Have you ever come across the word trauma? The psychological definition of the term trauma is damage to a person’s mind due to distressing events like accident, rape or natural disaster that triggers physical, emotional or psychological harm. Sounds terrifying, isn’t it? But I would disregard these descriptions because it has more to add to it.
Take a minute to look at people around you, whoever is sitting opposite to you is dysfunctional and the one who is looking at you is unhappy. Everybody is disorientated in their lives, none of them is self-aware about what they are feeling at this moment or why are they feeling that particular emotion.
If you look at the origin of this state of life, you will find a thick root to who you are today. By tracking down the root, you will find baggage of unhealed traumas. Today deconstructing the chain of past events that resulted in emotionally weakening you is the blueprint of your behaviours and feelings.
Nobody realises the unaware experiences, for an instance, you might have not been loved enough as a child. Now, you were conditioned to grow in such an environment for years. While growing up unconsciously you must have felt that you didn’t receive that love from certain people. Later, these struggles can manifest into a positive mechanism or a negative trauma. A positive outlook would be what you want to give as an adult.
If you look at the darker side, the negative aspect, most of the time you don’t understand that unconventional chaotic and confusing behaviour creates an abnormal life where there is no sense of wholeness to worth and love for yourself.
Have you ever seen somebody who pleases everybody? Society would have labelled that particular individual as a people pleaser. Did somebody cross your mind? If they did, sit down and think what kind of childhood that particular individual would have experienced? They are designed to adapt to the negative layout by going out of their way to please others by fearing not to lose that love they feel.
Oprah Winfrey and Dr Bruce Perry, the authors of the book What Happened to You? sat down with Jay Shetty to reconceptualise the focal points of childhood traumas. Oprah says that a person’s life is structured based on the consistent little things that induce aggression and micro-aggressions that creates a window to view the world. Thereby trauma doesn’t have to involve big events but it solely depends on how you were loved as a child. Dr Bruce Perry added that adult life is moulded by the experiences of an individual at the age of 0 – 6.
In Indian culture, the parents think physical abuse can be an easy way out to disciple a child. Do you think so? I am sure many of us were victims to both physical and mental health. Close your eyes and think of that moment. If you had encountered any sort of whippings with the belt or you were slammed on the door or ground, certainly you would have carried an emotion that drags you down even today. Else, some of you would have seen your parents’ ugly fights which opened the doors of dark places.
Many parents don’t realise that they have worn out their children with little things by neglecting to foresee the future.
As a kid, most of your parents have let you down by choosing to neglect you from the positive parenting structure to opting negative strategies of abandoning and failing to be a responsible individual. It is true, you have not been given proper care and love as a result of which you grew up yearning and seeking love and kindness from people who cross path your ways.
Now you might wonder, what is that you need to do to break the past and come to sight to understand. Firstly, you need to stumble on your mental health.
You need to peel the layers of your childhood by feeling grief and expressing it. By fostering greater capacity for emotional regulation you can rebuild your internal sense of feelings by putting the pieces back together. It takes time to heal, but it is necessary to conscious of the unheard voices of your younger self.
On a personal note, I have seen a lot of people playing blame games at their fate. Instead, please try to self-accept, you need to accept the reality and you need the courage to do it. Alongside, you don’t have to do it immediately. But you can forgive those people who failed to prioritize you at your space. Just know that everybody is picking up their broken pieces. All of us are trying to fix it. So if you could see someone at this place. Be easy and help them.
PS: What do you think about it? Comment below your thoughts about it. Have a great day!