India

Marriage Offers A License For Sexual Activities At Any Time: Marital Rape

marital rape

Hey everyone, welcome to my timeline. I feel very happy whenever you come here to read my work. I appreciate your time and efforts. 

“There’s power in allowing yourself to be known and heard, in owning your unique story, in using your authentic voice.” – Michelle Obama. This Wednesday make a change in your life by pushing your limits. Happy reading.

Disclaimer: It is a very sensitive topic. Please be considerate to understand and get the idea of it. Thank you!

A few days back, while Milkha Singh had passed away, the Indian television channels aired the movie BHAAG MILKHA BHAAG. If you have or haven’t watched, read the below. 

Don’t worry. It is not about the movie or sports as such. But today’s topic is connected to one of the traumatic episodes that emerged in Milkha’s life. 

(I have curated the scene from the movie below.)

During the Indian partition, in a tent, Milkha was lying down on his mother’s lap. 

The father came inside and made a room in that little spot by covering it with the drying up-clothes. Later on, he ordered his wife (to be specified twice) to massage his legs.

As soon as she rushed to that tiny spot, he slapped her for not coming in after being called the first time. Despite the children occupying the same tent, the couples have forced sex. You can hear them grunting and moaning that makes the little boy Milkha run outside.

After some time, you can see the mother crying and splashing water onto her face. And Milkha shows sympathy towards his mother. And he makes a promise to her that he would not leave her side at any cost. 

The disgusting and sickening feeling of Milkha’s mother choked me to think – why is still marital rape legal in this goddamn country?

The above story doesn’t belong only to Milkha’s mother but to every woman who has been married to a legal rapist who believes marriage offers a license for sexual activities at any time. 

Do some of your blood boils? So did mine! Let’s not talk about history, laws and rules. Let’s go one step deep to understand the misconception of sex in marriage life. Also, many Indian men have been misguided about marital rape that is heeded only to women. Let us break it down one by one.

Marital rape is also known as spousal rape. It’s the demonstration of any sexual activity without a spouse’s consent and it could be men or women, involving sexual and domestic violence for the absence of consent.

If you are wondering why women are outraging their anger on the internet or anywhere? Do you think, it’s the women movement? Nope. Our country is still led by a patriarchal society. So it’s again women suffering due to the misconception of sex educations.

Now shall we break down the word husband? Do you have any idea? Also, I am not accusing every husband here. But I’m trying my best to make you understand how the system has been failing for centuries. 

In the late 13th century, in old English, the word husbonda means, “master of the house.” The wife had to abide by his rules and regulations. Now that’s not something new. It still happens at our home. Right? How many have asked your mother for permission to meet your friend? And immediately she signalled at your father? Think about it! 

Source: https://www.etymonline.com/word/husband

Anyways the historian of early modern Europe Margaret Hunt enlightens us by digging the rock bottom of history to understand the reason why people got married? 

He mentions that women were conceived as a commodity in the name of marriage alongside possessed the individual contacts, capitalists, appliances and livestock over contemporaries and societies. 

In simple words, women were used for sexual pleasures. 

How many of you have been involved in sexual activities? Not many of us, it’s fine. But do you know what sex is? If you got a sight of porn in your mind, you are in the right place.

Now, do you think you need a book to understand it? Nothing as such. But you need to get acquainted that it is more than the biological process that involves hormones driven. 

Recently, I was listening to The Ranveer Show podcast, where he invited Luke Coutinho, who practices integrative lifestyle coaching. In the show, they discussed sex-related education. 

Luke said, he has been life coaching various women. He brings about his sessions with those women that involved questions regarding their feeling associated with their partner during the intercourse. And those feelings include security, care, protectedness and appreciation.

In addition, he leads to pornography that depicts women having an orgasm every thirty seconds. And he mentions that it’s not the reality. He sums it up by saying that women don’t feel orgasm all the time for a man to be successful.

In the beginning, Luke says to think of sex as energy. So does emotion. We all learnt that – energy could not be created or destroyed. But it can be transferred. 

Similarly, sex energies and emotions associated with it could only be transferred. Now imagine, when you strenuously desire for it and she doesn’t feel the same, you are transferring a whole junk of a fate worse than death feelings. And that can lead to a post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, gynaecological problems leading to negative physical health symptoms.

In India, marriage is a sacred gimmick. It objectifies to believe that one has to accustom the cultural values that chase after all the stereotypes, especially the women have to compromise on their morals and that’s what good daughters do. And saying no becomes an allegation, you need to be a good wife. Now that’s what double standards of society do? 

But why aren’t we taught to understand the real process of sex and sex energies? To help individuals build a healthy relationship? And why did we decide to avoid such topics at our dinner table discussions? 

Also, you should know, why this generation’s brown girls are terrified of getting married? Because they’ve grown up watching domestic violence, emotional abuse and other evil things aimed at their mothers. 

In India, young adults should take up sex education classes to understand the rights to bodily autonomy involving physical, biological and psychological mechanisms.

Now that’s why I wanted to talk about this. Not the history and rules, why is it legalized and not? There are many people out there who are doing it. Domestic and sexual violence takes place when you don’t respect your partner’s likes and dislikes. But I thought if at least one is reading my article and he/she can understand it. At least one woman will be safe?

PS: I wrote this article with the belief that there are men who will understand the pain of a girl as a whole. Also, please send this to all your friends and have a great day. Also, do comment below if you know something interesting or anything related to the topic. 

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